Hey guys, I know I said that there'd be cake at this party, but you need to understand something. When I said that there'd be cake I was taking advantage of your greed and your foolishness. So yes, I admit that I messed up. But really, didn't we all mess up? Didn't you mess up by being sort of a shitty person in the first place? Didn't you mess up by being such a typical american that you could be lured to one of my parties with the promise of unlikely cake? I mean, let's be honest guys. This isn't the first time I've pulled a stunt like this. I admit that. But if I'm going to put myself out there and admit something like that, the least you could do is admit that it takes two to throw a shitty party. It takes one to lie about the cake, and it takes one to get all upset about it when it turns out there's no cake. That's two. And there's way more than two of us here. There's like... thirty. Almost thirty here. I don't know the math for thirty, but it can't all be my fault. Also, I did bring punch. So you're welcome.
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Sunday, December 27th 2009 1:53am
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Supertramp - “Goodbye Stranger”
My New Year’s resolution is going to be to wake up to this song every morning for the entire year. If you need to find me in 2010, I will be the human being with golden light shining out of me. Like a beacon from the very heavens.
Sunday, December 27th 2009 12:09am
if you had the choice between having your left leg amputated and your right arm WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE
I would get rid of my left leg.
If I could keep it, then I would elect to have it filled with coins and then I’d leave it on some lucky family’s lawn.
Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 25th 2009 11:58pm
Friday, December 25th 2009 11:04am
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
“mom and dad please don’t steal for me this christmas”
merry christmas to all! especially branson! this one’s for you!!!!
Caitlin. You “get” me.
Friday, December 25th 2009 3:53am
Woman: Does Elijiah Wood know?
Me: Know what?
Woman: That you stole his eyes.
Me: Of course he knows. I stole them right out of his head. I used a screwdriver. Oh God, you should have seen the blood.
Woman: Oh my God!
Me: That’s what he said. Only much louder.
Thursday, December 24th 2009 9:02pm
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
City High - “What Would You Do?”
Thursday, December 24th 2009 2:41am
The Fall - Jingle Bell Rock
I was just talking about this song the other day. As far as Christmas songs go, this is much funnier than “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”. Mark E. Smith doesn’t have to sing about killing old women to get his jollies.
Wednesday, December 23rd 2009 3:29pm
What is wrong with you?
I spilled candle wax on my finger one time and it left a mark.
Also, I use hella street slang.
Those are the only two things that are wrong with me.
Wednesday, December 23rd 2009 4:00am
“How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people — first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving…
I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves — this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts — possessions, outward success, luxury — have always seemed to me contemptible.”
- a. einstein
“Also, where my bitches at?”
-a. einstein
Tuesday, December 22nd 2009 7:11pm
